No tears of joy
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "Jane felt the familiar tingling in his eyes as he neared the brink of crying. He shouldn't cry, not here anyway. He never cried where people could see him, hell, he barely cried at all. But now, with all that had happened this day, he really needed to just sit down and let it all go." Crazy tag to 6.03 'Black-winged Redbird'. Jisbon, one-shot, M-RATED AND IT'S NOT FLUFFY.


**A/N: Okay so a post of me on Tumblr got a little bit out of hand and then people were demanding a smut fic to be written with that post in the back of the mind so... the post was basically 'I can't be the only one wondering 'where the hell are Jane and Lisbon in that last scene of 6.03?'. And because Rothelena and Entwife weren't available for the job... I sacrificed myself. BUT M-rated scenes are still not my cup of tea when it comes to writing. And although I've read all of _their_ work, I don't think it had a positive affect on _my_ writing. Anyway, you can judge for yourself!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, sadly.**

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_**'No tears of joy'**_

Jane felt the familiar tingling in his eyes as he neared the brink of crying. He shouldn't cry, not here anyway. He never cried where people could see him, hell, he barely cried at all. But now, with all that had happened this day, he really needed to just sit down and let it all go. Otherwise, it would collect itself inside his already heavy heart and one day, it would just explode.

He opened a random door at the end of the hallway, surprised it wasn't locked and slowly closed it behind him. He sighed and looked around... and that's when he heard it.

Someone crying.

Not just someone, as he stepped further into the room and saw a small figure sitting in the corner.

It was his Lisbon.

She looked up at him with a look that already showed she was embarrassed by him discovering her like that, and she was wiping away her tears and lifting her walls. Becoming the tough cop she always was, leaving behind the vulnerable woman she truly was on the inside.

"Lisbon? What are you doing here?" Dammit. He was an idiot.

"I think I'm here for the same reason you are," she answered, her voice soft and thick with the tears she had been crying just moments before.

He nodded and lowered his head. "Do you want to... talk about it?"

"No."

He nodded again. Now that they were getting closer and closer, this felt more uncomfortable than it should. He observed the floor, as though it was suddenly more interesting than she would ever. Which wasn't true, because nothing and nobody had peeked his attention the way she had. She was his favorite mystery, one he was willing to solve however hard it would be.

Why were they like this? Things never used to be this heavy between them, they used to be able to talk about whatever they wanted. She was his best friend, with all of the pros that came with it – and all the perks, but they were almost non-existent. But now... things were starting to be more meaningful. They had to watch their every move because they could easily say the wrong thing, causing them both to be in danger. They were walking on eggshells all the time.

He looked up. She was crying again, and it didn't look like she was going to stop. He hated seeing her like this, seeing her weak and vulnerable even though he knew she was like this on the inside too. If only she was the tough cop, it would be easier for both of them. But he couldn't blame her. He felt like crying too.

"Why are we always hiding our feelings, Jane?" she whispered. She swallowed and looked up, wiping her tears away. His hand reached out and he did it for her, brushing her cheek, lingering there a bit longer than he should. Their eyes crossed and he quickly pulled his hand back. She looked down now and continued crying, and he realized he only made things worse for her.

No. This had to stop. How was staying away better than being together? How was this ever going to make them happy? They were stronger together but if this carried on the way it did now, their friendship wouldn't survive long. And he couldn't let that happen.

He put his finger underneath her chin and made her look up at him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Then, throwing all his plans and caution in the wind, he put his hand in the back of her neck and pulled her closer, until their lips were almost touching. She wasn't breathing anymore, was instead staring at his eyes, lips and then eyes again. Her eyes were filled with a certain hint of anticipation and love, as well as curiosity and sadness. She was bracing herself for rejection because she was used to him pushing her away. He had always done so for the past ten years.

She moved away slightly and closed her eyes. That's when he'd had enough and closed the distance between them, linking their lips in a hungry kiss. She didn't move out of shock for a few seconds while he pulled her closer to his body with his hand on her lower back. Eventually, she started moving too, starting with wrapping her arms tight around his neck, then rubbing her body against his and biting his lower lip playfully, as though this kiss was just a way of teasing him.

He pulled away to come up for breath and she was smiling. Her eyes lit up and all the sadness he'd seen before was gone, as though his kiss had solved all her problems.

He loved every second of it. He loved seeing his Teresa so carefree and relieved of all the bad thoughts he cast upon her, loved seeing that perfect little dimple on her cheek when she smiled. He traced it with his index finger.

"You're so beautiful," she whispered against his lips, and then linked them again, teasing him by occasionally pulling away and kissing him. He pushed her so close to him she gasped softly at how little air she could get but she didn't protest once.

He tucked a strand of hair out of her face. "I love you so much."

She nodded, smiling softly. "I know that." She kissed his lips again. "I love you too."

"Could we for... half an hour, forget about everything and love each other like we want to?" he asked her, his voice nothing more than a whiff of breath. His hand was now dangerously close to her butt that it made this moment a lot less innocent than he might have wanted it to be – and it caused her breathing to accelerate and he felt her heart pounding against his chest.

"Yes," she breathed and kissed him, like her life depended on it, as though he was the only way for her to breathe. As though nothing in the world mattered but him.

His knees went weak but he still managed to slowly lower them to the floor, not once breaking their kiss. He crawled to the nearest wall. He was sitting up straight and she gently slid into his lap, fitting there perfectly. The sensation was almost too much, his heart close to bursting. He held her against him again while she kept kissing him, moving from his lips to the tip of his nose and eventually his neck.

He let out a soft sigh and put his hand in the back of her neck, stroking her hair.

"Please... I love you," he whispered. She opened a few buttons on his vest and then shirt and slid her hands underneath the fabric, caressing his naked chest. When she lowered her head to kiss him, he was done being passive in all of this and went to rip off her blouse but then realized they didn't have any spare clothes, so he carefully took it off, groaning with frustration. She did the same for his vest and shirt.

After he had managed to rid her of her jacket and blouse, she quickly wriggled out of her jeans. He left a trace of goose bumps wherever he touched her now naked skin, until his hand reached her bra clasp. Skillfully, he let it snap loose and the bra slid down her arms. She carelessly tossed it aside and already went to move on and undress him more but he stopped her, made her look at him while his eyes wandered to her exposed chest. Her breasts looked so beautiful, so full and delicious, better than he had ever envisioned they would be. Those small occasional looks he had cast her way when he thought she wasn't looking really didn't do the real thing any justice.

She put her finger under his chin, mimicking what he had done to her moments ago.

"My eyes are here," she whispered and she emphasized the sentence by looking into his eyes, pouring his soul with eternal love. He gasped softly and his eyes filled with tears. He brushed her cheek.

"Teresa," he breathed. She smiled softly but he saw tears in her eyes too.

Her hand wandered and touched his belt, her pupils dilating until all the emerald was gone. He gently pushed her off his lap after kissing her softly.

"Let me," he whispered and quickly got rid of his pants and underwear, and when she slipped back into his lap, he noticed she had gotten rid of her panties as well. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths. He felt her soft hands on his face.

"Are you still sure?" she asked.

Yes. He had never been surer as in this moment. He wanted nothing more than have her, have this, this small piece of happiness before it would all crumble down. He wanted to be hers the way she could never be his.

He grabbed her hips softly and with a trembling hand led himself to her awaiting flesh. Her eyes spoke louder than words in that moment as he could clearly read her love for him in every depth of them. Apparently because he was waiting too long, she lowered herself onto him and he slipped inside her.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she let out a soft sigh, supporting herself with both her hands on his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in between her luscious breasts. She pushed herself up and lowered herself again, the friction almost killing him. She felt so good, he could not fathom how he had waited for so long. This feeling was the best one he had felt in the past ten years, his past going up in flames behind him but his future rising from the ashes. His future, his new, beautiful future was frustrated inside his arms right now because he wasn't moving.

He looked at her. Her eyes were still closed but this time in concentration as she softly moved up and down, even more beautiful than she had always been. She was always beautiful to him but sometimes he was just floored by her beauty.

She bowed her head and linked their lips, her tongue frantically asking for entrance which he granted, gladly. She bit his lower lip and that was when he was woken up and he gripped her hips so tight he knew he would be leaving bruises but he really didn't care, and neither did she.

He used all the muscles in his legs to thrust upwards and she cried out, softly, spurring him on to repeat that same movement and he got the same reaction from her, only stronger this time. He helped her slam down, her hands intertwined at the back of his neck. A small tear streamed down her cheeks which he caught. Her moans got higher and higher until she threw her head back and came all around him, biting her lip to stop everyone from knowing what they were doing in there. She linked their lips again but she seemed less focused than she was before. He used her slight confusion to push her backwards and gently put her on the floor, covering her completely, his body pressed tight against her. He feared he was crushing her but she only moaned when his weight registered.

"Oh Teresa," he whispered in her ear. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and kissed his neck. He hadn't thought that their first time would be in an empty room in a courthouse in Napa but now that he was lying here with her underneath him, writhing and whimpering for him to continue – he couldn't have imagined it any other way.

He thrust into her again, making her body bounce with the impact. He did it again, and again, until he had picked up a hard and fast rhythm, making her cry out every time he hit home. And she did feel like that – home. The home he had been chasing after for so many years but never had realized was right in front of him, staring at him, punching him in the face. His little firecracker.

Her eyes fluttered shut again and her brows scrunched together in concentration. He pushed his upper body up and leant on his elbows, being able to give her more of him this way. Her arms snaked up and her small fingers closed around his upper arms. A small pink blush covered her cheeks and the corners of her lips were slightly tilted upwards. He kept looking at her as he thrust into her even harder and she had to try even more not to scream out in pleasure, her fingers painfully dipping in his skin, almost drawing blood but it only made him want to go faster, harder, giving her what her body was telling him she wanted.

He lost the fight against his orgasm when she came again and he crashed down while he spilled inside her. It hadn't even this long, considering what horrible things he had done with Lorelei, but this felt earth-shattering, as though his entire body was being drained, the orgasm coming from his toes and moving all the way to his head, his body shaking. She held him to let him know she was there while he felt her coming again. When he felt something wet on his cheeks, he realized he was crying once more.

He gave her a few lazy thrusts before he slipped out of her and fell down beside her. His arms wrapped around her and his head on her naked chest.

Then he remembered what he had told her right before they had started undressing, and that memory felt like a bucket of ice-cold water being poured over his steaming hot body. She noticed as she pulled away slightly.

"Do you regret it?" she whispered, and he noticed she was already pulling up her walls again. He instantly moved closer to her and linked their lips, softly but lovingly, to show her that that thought was the last one on his mind. After all, this is what he had been hoping for so long.

"No. Never."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I... about that half hour..."

She nodded slowly and pulled away too. "Yes. You're right. It was just half an hour."

He watched as she moved away from him and moved to get dressed. He closed his eyes but couldn't bring himself to get dressed too. That would mean this, what they had done together, would be over. And he knew it wasn't, he just wasn't able to form the right words to tell her. It was tearing apart his body and soul.

She balanced on one foot and attempted to put on her panties. Her lower lip was trembling and the small hint of a smile that she'd had moments before was gone. She thought he was rejecting her. That he was treating this as a simple one-night-stand, that he didn't think their encounter meant anything to him. While his heart was still soaring from their coupling.

She smiled at him but he saw it was a forced one. No light could escape from behind the walls she had successfully built up around her and neither could her genuine smiles.

He got up and walked towards her. She shook her head.

"No, don't, Jane. It's fine. You just needed a distraction, the guys' wedding made you emotional and I was closest to you. I understand it. But perhaps next time, you could go to a prostitute or-"

He silenced her by linking their lips. She gave in for a few seconds but then pushed him way.

"No. I don't want this."

"I know. But I want _you_."

"You said it yourself, Jane, you only wanted me for half an hour."

"That's not what I said and you know it."

"Well, what _did_ you say then?"

He pulled her closer again, cursing the fact that she was already wearing her panties again. But he could still feel her naked skin when he brushed her hips.

"I said, 'could we for half an hour forget about everything and love each other like we want to'. And this is what I thought I wanted, but I... made a mistake."

She nodded, understandingly.

"But that mistake was not making love with you. That mistake was asking for half an hour. Because I need much, much more time with you."

"How much?" she asked, her voice small. He kissed her forehead.  
"Let's say... fifty years?"

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open too, but she closed it immediately. She averted her eyes and looked at a spot behind him, her hands on his upper arms because of a lack of space to put them since he was holding her so close. She laughed nervously.

"Was that a... a proposal?"

"Perhaps. What do you want it to be?"

Her eyes locked with his again. "Just a promise that you'll stay with me for a little longer."

"I've never planned to leave you."

"Yeah, right," she huffed but he saw the pain in her eyes.

"No, I'm serious. I know I left you and that it hurt when I did that but it hurt for me too. Because no matter what I might have said or done, you were always the only woman I've loved after my wife. You have to know that. And you have to know that for years now, it's not my family I think of when I feel sad or lonely – it's _you_. And I know you might not believe that, but... please, look into my eyes and tell me you don't want to be with me. If you can say it as though you mean it, I'll let you go, and I won't bother you again."

She rolled her eyes but more out of slight anger than amusement. "And what if I can't do that?"

"We'll see."

She sighed and looked into his eyes.

"Okay. I don't want to be with you," she replied firmly, but her eyes told him everything. They were overflowing with love and affection and he could read she was more than willing to be with him for the rest of their lives.

She smiled softly.

"Oops. Guess I'm a bad liar." She pulled him in for a deep kiss that made his insides flutter with desire. When he pulled away, she was smiling brightly at him.

"Will you come with me?"

"Where to?"

"Anywhere I go. But right now, I'm thinking the nearest motel?"

She sighed but smiled. "I would love that."

And he quickly put on his clothes to prevent them from making love on the floor – again.

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**A/N: So, let me know what you thought, please! I need it now more than ever! Aaaand constructive criticism is welcome too, because if I don't hear anything about what I can improve, I'll never get better. So please! Tell me!**


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